Badbutt update !!!

10 days away from being out of the army and the stress is coming full force from so many different angles. Last year around this time I was talking up a storm with my Bestfriend claudia about what we were gonna do with our lives, endless hours of brainstorming on different way to become rich. Branding our selfs and imagining our lives living in downtown LA, i remember being so worried about choosing the wrong place to live I was stuck between miami and LA and the only reason I chose LA was because claudia wanted it that bad, I became obsessed everyday after I finished my work I would go on google and just look into things to do in LA and Places to visit and cost of living. Well, here I am a year later and I'm still focused on moving but this time without the person who even pushed me into living there in the first place. I don't know exactly what stressing me the most. It scares me when people promise me things and don't come through with it in the end but I know I shouldn't stress because my whole life is living proof everything will always work out in my favor if you put your mind in good use. Getting out the army was actually easily everyone told me CIF would be hard and it actually went really well for me. Wow 4 years of my life in the military and I cannot believe it's finally over man, 4 YEARS! Of pain and going crazy! I'm just so grateful I've been through so much so much that no one could possibly relate my journey ahead of me can only be beautiful from here. and I will NOT stop until I make it to the top. Whatever it takes. WHATEVER . 

I know you guys are dying to hear about my love life. I won't tell you everything but I tell you guys ENOUGH. I keep people around in my life that make me happy. I love deep if I really like you . I spend as much time I can with you if I really like you and then moment I feel like you really fucked up I back off. I'm easily traumatized and I stay away from negative energy or anything that could possibly hurt me in the lost run , being in such unhealthy relationships in the past I learned sacrificing YOUR happiness for the sake of someone else's IS NOT worth it all you will be losing is TIME and questionIng yourself "well what if " I have someone I hang around a lot who makes me happy and really hears me out and extremely patient but me being 21 I don't know and wanting to do what I want to do in life I just know I'm gonna be single. And it's gonna take someone really fucking great to change that 

I spend a lot my day crying today cause my stress levels were just that high it something that just really needed to be done. 

It's now June 8 and I feel like a new woman .

you wake up and decide, do I wanna be happy today or mope around for the same shit I was yesterday. Being scared only motivates me to get my ass up and charge whatever is triggering head on.

I blogged all those emotions last naihht and wasn't going to post anything but I decided why not share how I'm heel to maybe help someone in the same situation

I spent most of my day yesterday thinking about if I really wanna go through with the lipo I scheduled for aug 6th and I came to the conclusion im not, I love my stomach so much that I would be extremely sad to lose the curves I already have 

I wanted and over night skinny but really my abs are so beautiful when I work for it like I'm not even trying to toot my own horn they're so soft and beautiful who knows if they'll look the same after. I don't want them to look forced or any more scars. So I'm gonna work my ass off again at the gym and make banging progress and will keep you guys posted every single step of the way!!!! I can wait to show you good work ethic and dedication !!! Hopefully you guys can find motivation in yourselves through me somehow cause I'm here to help  love you and I missed you guys but im back